Ranging from WTF to good, clean (well, not always) fun, these races are a refreshing reminder that thou shall not take one’s self too seriously. Balance out your über-competitive road bike racing, ironman training, and ultra running with one of these bad boys. Once you’ve tasted a mouthful of mud, you may never go back.
Tough Mudder
June 25-26 • Beaver Creek
Only 78% of participants were able to finish this race last year. On the 8-mile course, you’ll encounter 23 obstacles more akin to torture, including one that forces you to run through dangling live wires issuing a 10,000-volt shock. Finishers get certificates for free Tough Mudder tattoos, and the race offers complimentary head shaves in your choice of mullet or mowhawk.
Undy 5000
June 25 • Denver
No crawling on your belly through mud or sprinting across kerosene-soaked straw set ablaze, just locals running around in their underwear. The 5k course is described as “family-friendly,” which may seem counter-intuitive, but the whole point of showing up in your skivvies is to raise awareness for colon cancer, not to scare people. Save that for the Big Wheel Rally.
Big Wheel Rally
July 9 • Boulder
There’s nothing quite like the sound of plastic on pavement as grown men and women pedal furiously down the cobblestone walkways of the Pearl Street mall, hovering only inches above the ground, clutching five pounds of flexing child’s toy between their thighs.
Urban Dare Adventure Race
July 16 • denver
Brains and brawn collide in an urban adventure that is part photo hunt, part trivia and part physical exertion. Done in teams of two, the race takes participants to checkpoints around Lodo to complete dares ranging from scaling a climbing wall, to hitting a bulls-eye, to eating something (no bugs, we promise).
New Belgium Urban Assault Ride
July 17-24 • Fort Collins/Denver
The biggest bike scavenger hunt in the nation has two Colorado locations this year. Whether you choose Fort Collins, or Denver, or both, you’ll use city bike trails to reach checkpoints that force you off the bike and into an obstacle (water is fair game!). Expect about 25 miles total in the saddle and a crap ton of beer at the after party.
Silly Pig 5k Mud Run
August 6 • Aurora
This 5k course is like a training ground for the bigger, badder Muddy Buddy in Boulder the following weekend. Held at the Arapahoe County Fairgrounds in Aurora, you’ll crawl through tunnels, splash through mud pits, negotiate tire obstacles, scale walls, and climb on cargo nets. Costumes encouraged.
Columbia Muddy Buddy Boulder
August 14 • Boulder
In this sell-out race held at the Boulder Reservoir, teams of two alternate running and mountain biking on a six-mile trail speckled with five obstacles designed to challenge strength, agility, and balance. The finale is a 50-foot-long mud pit that both buddies crawl through to reach the finish, thus bonding for life.
Warrior Dash
August 20-21 • Copper Mountain
This 3.15-mile course features 11 obstacles “from hell,” but the race is actually more benign than it sounds. Well, excluding the part where you crawl under barbed wire through the mud. Most of the race requires speed and finesse, like the scramble through the junkyard.
Merrill Oyster Urban Adventure Race
August 27 • Denver
The Oyster, as in Rocky Mountain Oyster, was born in Denver in 2003 and has since spread to 10 other cities across the US. Participants follow clues by foot or by bike that lead them to obstacles like a giant soapy slip n slide. Despite the name, the race requires more brains than balls, and a healthy dose of endurance.
Hauling Ass
You’d almost think this was a joke, until you realized that burro racing has been going on in Colorado for 62 years, thanks to the work of the Western Pack Burro Association. A throwback to the state’s 19th century miners, who kept mules to carry their tools, burro racing involves running while leading a donkey laden with 33 pounds. This year there are five burro races in five mountain towns, each including a festival celebrating the town’s history. The “Triple Crown” races are in Fairplay, Leadville and Buena Vista, with courses up to 29 miles in length. We’re particularly fond of Fairplay’s “First Ass up the Pass” $200 prize. The other two races are in Georgetown and Idaho Springs, and more appropriate for beginners at 6-8 miles. Remember, you can carry your donkey, but it can’t carry you. Failure to control your animal, as well as the use of needles, electric prods, narcotics, clubs or whips results in disqualification. For more information, and to sign a petition to make burro racing Colorado’s official sport, go to packburroracing.com
