Considering I raced road bikes for 10 years, I guess this is no surprise. Perhaps for this go-round with manorexic uphill-sports I’ll get a clue a few years sooner and make this a mere hobby, instead of a near-full-time obsession. Yes, I’ve entered a ski-mountaineering race, and not just any–on April 9 I and an unwitting partner (more on this poor fool in a moment) will compete in The Five Peaks, in Breckenridge.
With 8650 feet of climbing, I think it’s fair to say the chubby and weak-of-will need not apply. So why did I? I honestly think it will be fun. Moreover, it will justify to my better half all the expensive gear in the garage. I believe the words are “deluded” and “manipulative,” but only if we’re really reading between the lines here.
The Five Peaks is a two-person race (and part of Pete Swenson’s COSMIC series) and I chose my partner carefully, balancing total inexperience with boundless patience and an enormous engine. Andy Hampsten fits the bill perfectly–strong enough to carry my fat ass in the event of total physical collapse and he’s naive enough to enter a race like this. Oh yeah, he’s patient, too. He has no idea what he’s gotten into. He’s agreed to do a partner Formula 1 race and problem is, he’s running a V12 and I’m sporting a four-cylinder with a three-on-the-tree. Ouch.
Hampsten and I are currently undergoing a top-secret training regimen. Our goal falls nothing short of total race domination. Naturally Mike Kloser of Vail won this race last year and he’s already offered us several grand not to participate. Fat chance, Kloser.
Stay tuned for training updates and race-day reportage. And while we’re at it, does anyone know a lipo clinic that does pro bono work? For Hampsten, not me.
