A veritable onslaught of media is expected, once the newswires pick up this exclusive Elevation Outdoors scoop. At present I am the only journalist with an insider’s pass and organizers have assured me interlopers, AFP writers, Fox News imbeciles, and anyone with a camera will be Maced, flogged, and put on a bus to Longtucky.
This, friends, leaves me in the enviable position of promising exclusive photos later in the weekend, once the adrenachrome and Red Bull run their course in my body.
While Lance Armstrong had been slated to compete, legal advisers begged him not to compete. In a tersely worded statement, his chief counsel Chester R. Felch said, “Lance Armstrong will not compete at this year’s Dewey. First, he’s virtually guaranteed to lose against a field like this and secondly, his participation would all but prove the allegations against him in the grand jury investigation. I mean, more so than the dozen-plus people called to testify already have. Damn, what a run it was.”
Stay tuned for developments and updates via Twitter and Facebook. You may see those at @RobCoppolillo and Rob Coppolillo respectively. And folks–should the air-raid sirens go off…do not hesitate. Go to your cellar and don’t forget the VHF radios. Internet and cable-TV will be down.
Oh, and come by Hapa after 10 p.m. if you want to party with the survivors.
